Reconnecting with the family roots
I've had a very special "homecoming" back to the US planned. I knew that after all these travels I was going to be experiencing some MAJOR culture shock. It seems that every time I come home from traveling is when the real culture shock hits me and I usually fall into some shallow depression as I take in and integrate all the new information I took in while traveling. I wanted to find a way to ease myself back in so I wouldn't fall into that depression rabbit hole and be able to come out shinning. So I arrived back to the US after Bali, had 4 days to unpack and re-pack, then I headed off to Ohio with my mom.
Both my parents are from Ohio and they were the only ones that ended up leaving so we became the "crazy californians" to al our Ohio family. I knew this would be the recipe for a successful homecoming as they always ground me and bring me right back to my roots. We arrived in Ohio and stayed with Aunt Mel, my mom's older sister who had taken in Nana, my mom's mom, just this past Jan. Before Nana was living with my parents, and me on occasion, back in San Diego. It was so beautiful to see the two of them and spend some girl time getting our hair/nails done, doing ceramics, cooking, singing songs, and dreaming about our futures. We even spontaneously had a "Ray Girls" family reunion with my cousins who ended up randomly being in town at the same time!
After a few days there my mom and I drove up to Walloon Lake, Michigan to join my Dad's side of the family, family reunion! My dad and sister drove in a day later and we got to visit with lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, my grandpa, and his new girlfriend. This is one of my favorite places in the world, where we get to come every other year for our reunion. Here we water skii, tub like crazy people behind the boats, kayak, paddle board, and many other fun water activities and chilling.
We've got a few more days here and I've been in full relaxation mode as I ground myself with my family and prepare for what this SD summer will look like! I'm running Creative Vessel 9 Month Mastery Immersion, planning our retreats, leading other women's circles online, preparing for some live events in the US (possibly NOLA, Austin, SD!!!!....info coming soon!) and looking at what the rest of this year will bring while being SUPER OPEN! Ok universe, do you hear me?! I'm ready for some epic opportunities to come my way, especially regarding performing. I'm having a performing depletion, I'm missing it so much. I feel depressed whenever I can't be on stage - maybe this is a problem but I have to be honest with you. I've felt this way since I was 2. SO with that being said, I'm not trying to analyze it too much, I just know that I need to be on stage just like I need to drink water every day.
So with everything that is, or isn't happening (like Tim and I from TMC being able to communicate and get along with love and support) I guess I'm learning sometimes I just have to let go even when I don't want to. I'm missing TMC like crazy, but as I've been reading "Braving The Wild" by Brene Brown I'm looking at this situation in a new light. I no longer am interested in just trying to fit in, I want to belong. Especially to the community that I consider my adult family. I want to belong. I deserve to belong. To be appreciated and wanted. So here comes the big learning opportunity, the challenges, the transformation, and me in the mud of it all right now as I keep my head above water emotionally while being away from my know "family", TMC, and off stage.
Hm... that's an interesting phrase, that is so weird for me to use, especially while talking about myself. I feel a book coming on. ;)