Here we are at week two, diving more into the wreck of our wounds. We are starting with our mother pain, our mother wounds, and how we can forgive those and come back to love. I was excited to do the call and challenged myself to be a bit braver this time. I think we all felt more comfortable as we moved through this week’s Goddess Lakshmi, the archetypal mother and Hindu Goddess of wealth, fortune and prosperity. I originally wrote a reflection right after the call and due to a technological SNAFU, the original write was lost. At first, I panicked. The perfectionist inside of me, the one with all the expectations that everything should go my way, drove me into a state of anxiety. But then, I reminded myself of everything this group has made me take a harder look at— attachment to expectations of myself and outcomes. I took a deep breath, called in Brigid and Lakshmi, and said, write something new, something even better. What expectations did you have of yourself this week? Can you let go of outcomes and go with the flow of what the universe is throwing your way?
Just as we had learned Monday, the dark side to Lakshmi can be overbearing, projecting stress onto others, and harboring a lack of boundaries. We all shared such vulnerable experiences of our mothers and how we see the light and dark qualities. I know that I identified with both qualities in my own mother wounds and the wounds I have from being a mother. This subject touched a sore spot, deep inside me, a long trench in my being. The feeling I got from the group was that all of us have them and they run like fault lines, spanning for hundreds of miles. The question asked of us is, can we forgive all of that shaky territory? Can we forgive ourselves and our mothers for the pain we have chosen to carry? What I felt was so powerful about our second call was when we did the song of Lakshmi together. Some of us had sung it out loud during the week and some of us had not. Not knowing what it felt like in my body to actually feel the vibration of the chant was awoken in me as we sang it like a chorus. Rae told us that we may feel a shift, that something may move as we call her in with our own voice. I felt it. Normally, when someone tells me I’m going to feel something like that, right away I say to myself, probably not, but ok. But by the third time we had run through the chant I could feel a lightness, a love, a joy, a feeling of fullness. No joke, that night when I went to sleep I had a dream that I was given this beautiful cat by a guide in my dream and we both said to name her Lakshmi at the same time. Now, I am not a dream interpreter, but the feeling of love that filled me in the dream followed me to the morning. I knew or felt that was a small sign I had received something.
The willingness of this group to break down walls is astonishingly beautiful. Before our meeting, there were palpable messages left on our Voxer chat and I hope that continues more through the week. Because our time is limited, we cannot waste it with our fear, insecurities, but must dive. After the second meeting, I feel as if that’s exactly what I want and need to do. The more I get to know everyone in little ways the more I am assured that we are all here for the right reasons. There is so much to gain, and we only need to keep giving and receiving. May this week’s Goddess Inanna bring that intimacy in every way to our lives as we continue this learning process together.
Side Note: Please click on the link where the art originated from. There is a great article addressing violence against women and wounds. I thought it was an insightful share and relevant to our theme.
art work credit: Abused Goddess Campaign - link below